-------------------------------------- ICQ History Log For: 7621470 Keight Started on Sat Apr 15 01:41:35 2000 -------------------------------------- Keight 5/30/99 9:35 AM Haven't rec'd the email yet. Shary2 5/30/99 9:36 AM hold on ... I'll copy it into an icq Shary2 5/30/99 9:37 AM This may be hard ... or it might be too late ... but if you find more of the letters you mentioned that you had written to Vic, THROW THEM OUT WITHOUT READING THEM! That is over. Move on. Let go. And this message if for me too :-) Keight 5/30/99 9:37 AM I just got 4 emails Shary2 5/30/99 9:37 AM all from me? Keight 5/30/99 9:38 AM You are right. It is hard to do because I am not sure if it is some notes that I wrote on classes or something and by the time I realize it is a note I wrote him, I have already gotten into it. But I will try to stop myself from continuing because you are right. I don't need to go over the past, especially when it makes me feel so bad. Keight 5/30/99 9:39 AM Yes all 4 are from you. Let me read them and get back to you. Shary2 5/30/99 9:39 AM ok Keight 5/30/99 9:40 AM You thanked me for the hug and for sharing it; you asked me to copy the jokes; you thanked me for copying the jokes and the 4th was your suggestion to not read the notes I wrote. Thank you for all of them. Shary2 5/30/99 9:41 AM sure. I couldn't think what all I had sent :-) Keight 5/30/99 9:41 AM How are things going for you? Shary2 5/30/99 9:42 AM An awful lot of stress. Just gotta take it a day at a time. Keight 5/30/99 9:45 AM Don't let yourself get ill from the stress. Nothing is worth that (experience speaking). Shary is the most important and without her, you don't survive. I have been getting sick to the stomach since I have even started thinking about having to clean out the garage and all the junk that Vic has collected over the years. The hard part is that he asked me before he died not to throw out his stuff. Shary2 5/30/99 9:46 AM send me a chat request from this if you have a few minutes Keight 5/30/99 9:46 AM Now when I do, I think of that and wonder if I should, then I ask myself if it has any meaning for me. If not, I either "garage sale" it or toss it. But I have to keep feeling everything out that way and that makes it hard too. Shary2 5/30/99 9:47 AM I understand. Have been through that several times lately. Keight 5/31/99 4:52 PM Hi, sent you a short email Shary2 5/31/99 4:59 PM I'll go look right now. Keight 5/31/99 4:59 PM Not much, just a quickie. Shary2 5/31/99 5:00 PM I'm pretty much ok. Still on an emotional roller coaster, but at least I know where I'm going and I know it's a good move. David is coming tomorrow to get the cats. Keight 5/31/99 5:02 PM That doesn't help steady the roller coaster. I know it is OK, but it still isn't easy. You will just have to get another kitty when you get to TN to keep you company at night (or maybe a puppy). This little Bear that I just got is such a doll and so much company. Shary2 5/31/99 5:03 PM I do plan to get a kitten. Keight 5/31/99 5:06 PM That will help. Do you know what Mabon did this AM? He kicked me out of bed, pulled all the covers off of me and made me get up to take a shower and get ready for work. Can you believe that? Shary2 5/31/99 5:07 PM He sounds like so much fun. Keight 5/31/99 5:08 PM He really is. It was like being kids again. He likes to play and have fun, which is so different from Vic, who was always so serious. Shary2 5/31/99 5:08 PM That's good for you. Keight 5/31/99 5:10 PM It really is. It just feels so different. I look forward to every phone call and "being" with him. We talk about everything from movies, to sports, to news, to weather, to travel, to what we did together before, to his wife and things they did. It seems like there is never enough time to talk about everything we want to. Shary2 5/31/99 5:11 PM When will you see him? Keight 5/31/99 5:32 PM I go to Chicago on Aug 17-22. But he is talking stronger and stronger about coming to Spokane before that. He has to get the money to either drive or fly. I am trying to get the garage cleaned out and have a garage sale to send him some money to come here. Shary2 5/31/99 5:33 PM Sounds like you are both pretty anxious. I don't blame you. Keight 5/31/99 5:45 PM I know I am and I think he is too. Especially after some intimate things we do and say. I just sent him a "story" that came out of our playing this morning. I hadn't planned on writing one, it just evolved and was pretty good (if I do say so myself). Shary2 5/31/99 5:46 PM I'd love to read it. Keight 5/31/99 5:47 PM I will email it. give me a sec. Shary2 5/31/99 5:47 PM thanks Keight 5/31/99 5:48 PM You should get it pretty soon. At least I sent it. Let me know what you think. Shary2 5/31/99 5:49 PM Just got it. Will let you know when I have read it. Shary2 5/31/99 5:52 PM WOW!!! That was good :-) Keight 5/31/99 5:54 PM I am mailing it today. He should get it in a couple of days. It really sneaked out of somewhere inside of me. I hadn't meant to write a "story". Shary2 5/31/99 5:55 PM I can understand. Some of the best things I wrote to Andy were totally spontaneous. When I would just start writing without having a plan about where I wanted to go. Sometimes I was real surprised when I read what I wrote. Keight 5/31/99 5:57 PM It really is surprising. He told me I should write for a living. I don't think I could write much. It is only when it comes from inside that it turns out so neat. Maybe if I get in touch more with what is inside of me, I could write more. You could too. We should write together and see what we come up with. That could be fun. You are a really good writer. I would like to be a proof reader for some publishers. That would be fun to me. Shary2 5/31/99 5:58 PM You would be an excellent proof reader. I need inspiration to be able to write. Keight 5/31/99 5:59 PM But you have a lot of inspiration when you really think about it. Shary2 5/31/99 6:00 PM My imagination is a little quiet right now. But that's just temporary. Keight 5/31/99 6:02 PM You bet your sweet bippy it is only temporary. You got one h _ _ _ of an imagination. Shary2 5/31/99 6:03 PM Time heals all things ... including imagination :-) Keight 5/31/99 6:06 PM That is right and you have an opportunity to learn some marvelous lessons about yourself and Andy in the interim. What a wonderful thing. I really mean it. You have learned so much about yourself from David and Andy so far. Think what more you will learn and how much more you will grow. That is how I view what is going on with Mabon and me. Did I tell you the insight I got the other day? Shary2 5/31/99 6:07 PM no you didn't Keight 5/31/99 6:07 PM It was in a dream state (not asleep or awake, but in between) "You have paid the piper, now it is time to hear the music". I took that to mean that Vic was the piper and Mabon is the music. Keight 5/31/99 6:07 PM Now I did Shary2 5/31/99 6:07 PM beautiful Keight 5/31/99 6:08 PM I thought it was pretty neat too. Shary2 5/31/99 6:08 PM gotta make a phone call Keight 5/31/99 6:08 PM I gotta go home, so talk to you tomorrow. Keight 6/1/99 1:55 PM Are you here? Shary2 6/2/99 4:27 AM David just left with the cats. Keight 6/2/99 1:15 PM How are you feeling? ((((((((((((( SHARY )))))))))))))))) I think you might need this. (I know I would) Shary2 6/2/99 1:17 PM I feel good about the cats. Got a nice note from Lin this morning that says they're doing fine. Got emails from Andy last night saying to send him my schedule. Doesn't mean I'll get to see him, don't think I will in fact, but at least he asked. Keight 6/2/99 1:19 PM What makes you think you won't see Andy? Shary2 6/2/99 1:19 PM just a feeling ... or maybe fear of disappointment Keight 6/2/99 1:27 PM Just listening to what you have said about what he says..it feels like he really does care, but is just too tied up to do anything about it right now. But when he finishes Laughlin, he would be open to communicating. That is my feeling only and based on only a small bit of information. But I felt like this last week when you were telling me about what was going on too. You are the only one who knows what is going on and how you feel about it Keight 6/2/99 1:28 PM What do you know about Aquarius and Scorpio relationships? Shary2 6/2/99 1:36 PM Scorpio and Aquarius are squared which normally means butting heads. Usually good for sex. Aquarians can be very cold at times, and can tend to run hot and cold for no apparent reason. Remember it is an air sign so they can go around with their heads in the clouds. It is also a fixed sign ... persistent or stubborn. Keight 6/2/99 1:37 PM Just thought I would ask...Mabon is Aquarius and I am Scorpio. What about Aquarius and Aries? Shary2 6/2/99 1:38 PM 60 degrees, generally favorable, not sure of any specifics Keight 6/2/99 1:39 PM Thanks. My rising is Aries. I don't know what his risiing is, but his sun is Aquarius. My Moon is Pisces and again I don't know what is Moon is. Shary2 6/2/99 1:40 PM get his birth time and place and I'll find out for you Keight 6/2/99 1:41 PM OK, I think I can do that. I know he grew up in Billings, MT, but am not sure that is where he was born. I will ask him. Thanks for the assistance. Shary2 6/2/99 1:41 PM np Keight 6/2/99 1:42 PM How is your day going? You are leaving at what time tomorrow for Portland? Shary2 6/2/99 1:44 PM around 4, I think. guess I'd better check :-) Just looked up the weather so I'd know what to pack. High 50's, possible showers. In June! Keight 6/2/99 1:46 PM We have been having cloudy, cold, rainy weather the past 3 days. Highs in the 60's and lows in the 40's. I almost froze when I got home yesterday because I had my window open and two fans going. I turned the fans off and slept like a baby. I like it cool. Shary2 6/2/99 1:47 PM I'm packing so in and out of the computer room. Keight 6/2/99 1:48 PM NP Are you taking a taxi to the airport? Or is someone going to take you? Shary2 6/2/99 1:50 PM Mary will take me. Keight 6/2/99 1:51 PM That is great. I wondered if that is who would take you, but I wasn't sure is she could get away to do it. Shary2 6/2/99 1:53 PM Nothing to get away from She is still staying here and the job isn't 100% definite yet. Keight 6/2/99 1:55 PM Oh, I thought she was already working as manager. Is she living at the complex she is supposed to manage? Does she know when it will be definite? Shary2 6/2/99 1:56 PM She will get an apartment there. Not sure when she starts yet. Apparently the person who does the hiring is waiting on references. Mary will leave here when I do if she isn't working by then, and she will have to return to PHX and stay with her daughter until something comes up. Keight 6/2/99 1:58 PM I bet you already asked her if she wants to go to TN..>? Shary2 6/2/99 2:01 PM nope, would be more difficult for her to find a job in a small town Keight 6/2/99 2:01 PM How big is Clarksville? Shary2 6/2/99 2:02 PM I just know it's small. I'll have to ask Rodona. Keight 6/2/99 2:04 PM When we lived in Rockford, WA it was 450 population. Spokane is about 200k. Puelbo was 120k. Spokane and Pueblo are about the size towns I like. Not too big, but big enough. Shary2 6/2/99 2:09 PM 1995 was 90,000 pop. Keight 6/2/99 2:16 PM Well, that was really interesting. Sounds like a really nice place to be. The temp is a little cooler than Phx or Lv, but sounds great. Shary2 6/2/99 2:17 PM I'm sure I'll like it. My house is only 3 or 4 years old, has 1500 square feet, and is in a newer subdivision. Keight 6/2/99 2:18 PM That sounds great. You said it is a rental? Could you have an option to purchase if you decided to stay? Shary2 6/2/99 2:19 PM I don't know. But Rodona and Joseph will probably move in 3 to 5 years. If I'm still there at that time, I'd likely leave too. The downstairs is going to be our office. Keight 6/2/99 2:21 PM Where would you go from there, say if you and Andy don't get together and you haven't found someone else? Shary2 6/2/99 2:24 PM Don't have a clue. Depends on what I'm doing at that time. Maybe Andy will get together and retire to a wonderful little Greek village :-) Keight 6/2/99 2:28 PM That sounds very romantic. That would be the very best scenario of all. That is where I will place my money. In the mean time, you keep writing your "stories" to him and you might sneak in the little 5-question game you play so well and maybe he will open up whatever he hasn't told you yet. Mabon is really open and honest about everything I have asked him so far. But there are some things I haven't covered yet. Keight 6/2/99 2:29 PM I have not approached the subject yet except as a hint as to my belief system. He is Catholic and doesn't believe in metaphysics (as far as he knows) Shary2 6/2/99 2:29 PM Andy would have to teach me Greek. And I know he loves Rome so we could go there too. And he loves the sidewalk cafes in Paris. As long as I'm going to fantasize, I might as well include Paris :-) Shary2 6/2/99 2:30 PM (as far as he knows) that's the key phrase Keight 6/2/99 2:31 PM You better believe it. As long as you are there, you need to see and experience it all. I hear they have some beautiful caves over in the Greek area. You can explore them while there. Shary2 6/2/99 2:32 PM Andy does crossword puzzles in Greek and Italian! Keight 6/2/99 2:33 PM I know it is. I don't think he has experienced any of it. He doesn't believe in herbal remedies because of the medication he is taking and doesn't want anything to interfere with it. He doesn't like most vegetables, so a well rounded diet or using foods to heal is out of the question. Like you said, he is a bit hard headed. That is OK with me, but could be a problem when I say "eat this" or "drink that" to be well. Keight 6/2/99 2:34 PM You haven't had him teach you, yet? What a beautiful language to listen to. And do they ever make good lovers. You are so lucky. No wonder you don't want to give it up easily. I wouldn't either. Does he have an older brother? or really good friend? Shary2 6/2/99 2:35 PM no brothers or sisters ... just an 18-year-old daughter and a mother and lots of cousins Keight 6/2/99 2:41 PM Just thought I would ask...Maybe I could be as lucky as you and find someone who is as good as a lover as he is to you (but not a work-a-holic) Shary2 6/2/99 2:43 PM and open and honest ... we still have that bridge to cross Keight 6/2/99 2:46 PM That's true. But right now, I would settle for the lover and friend. (that is terrible, huh?) "Maybe I am just a dirty old lady". The rest would have to approached when it gets here. Honesty and trust are the basis for any serious relationship. But Greek and Italian would be hard to ignore. Shary2 6/2/99 2:47 PM you've got that right :-) Keight 6/2/99 2:50 PM Besides covering my head with a paper bag, what would be my chances of finding such a combination as Greek/Italian lover? Probably 0 to none. Shary2 6/2/99 2:57 PM tee hee ... you're making me laugh! I'll be gone for a few minutes. Keight 6/2/99 2:57 PM OK, just run out on me when I get on a roll. See how you are? TTYL Keight 6/2/99 5:47 PM Going home..TTYL Have a beautiful evening.... Keight 6/3/99 11:31 AM just sent you an email..How's it going today? Shary2 6/3/99 11:32 AM talking to Lin Keight 6/3/99 11:32 AM Phone or ICQ? I can wait, no hurry Shary2 6/3/99 11:32 AM phone Keight 6/3/99 11:33 AM OK, like I said, no hurry. TTYL Shary2 6/3/99 11:52 AM off the phone ... packing for ptld good time for break from computers ... bad carpal tunnel doing reiki on it and will massage with aromatherapy formula Keight 6/3/99 11:57 AM When did you get carpal tunnel? Didn't know you had it. I am surprised I don't have it, for all the years of computers I have done. Maybe I hold my mouth just right. Shary2 6/3/99 11:58 AM from Louise Hay: carpal tunnel -- anger and frustration at life's seeming injustices who, me? :-) Keight 6/3/99 12:00 PM Ouch, when the shoe fits......Do we have a lesson here? Frustrated with life's injustice? Not Shary.... Shary2 6/3/99 12:01 PM no, never! :-) Keight 6/3/99 12:07 PM Didn't think so...So how do you massage injustice? You can Reiki the situation. Do you think that (in general) TRUST is an issue for you to work with? I know you trust, but when it comes to really important "stuff", do you trust the universe to help you, and do you trust that you can let go of control and allow things to happen for your best interest? Shary2 6/3/99 12:10 PM i really can't answer that honestly right now so much is up in the air, unsettled, but somehow it will work out my highest good can't type without pain ... will try to check back in before i go Keight 6/3/99 12:18 PM That is OK..I will send some energy also to your "situation" TTYL Shary2 6/3/99 12:19 PM thanks Keight 6/3/99 12:19 PM You rest now. Keight 6/4/99 3:48 PM Hope you are feeling better....Will talk to you tomorrow..Have a great evening and trip to Portland....I guess I won't talk to you tomorrow because you will be gone. So I will talk to you sometime on monday. Have a great visit with your family. (((((SHARY)))))) Keight 6/7/99 8:40 AM Let me know when you get home.......... Keight 6/7/99 2:41 PM I should have thought of this earlier. What time is Andy coming over? Shary2 6/7/99 4:09 PM I don't know. He doesn't know. Keight 6/9/99 9:31 AM Are you on ICQ? I just sent an email Shary2 6/9/99 9:32 AM got to run out with mary to her NEW APARTMENT! She got the job -- just in the nick of time. whew! will let you know when I get back. I'm in LOVE and it feels so damn good! ttyl Keight 6/27/99 5:43 PM Bye for today. Talk to you tomorrow Keight 6/29/99 7:19 AM GOOD MORNING Shary2 6/29/99 7:19 AM Mornin' ... How are you doing today? Keight 6/29/99 7:22 AM Doing Terrific. Life is a glow and the fires are lit. How about you? Shary2 6/29/99 7:24 AM Went for a beautiful morning walk -- perfect weather (well, a little humid) and saw gorgeous flowers, 2 bunnies and lots of birds. Did I send you the poem Andy wrote me? Keight 6/29/99 7:25 AM Sounds like a dream morning for you. No you didn't send Andy's Poem. Would love to read it. Shary2 6/29/99 7:34 AM You asked for it :-) Roses are red Violets are blue Pretend I am there Deep inside you. Keight 6/29/99 7:36 AM That's neat...shows he has wishful thinking. (Too bad wishful thinking isn't the same as teleportation) I know where you and I would be teleported to. Shary2 6/29/99 7:37 AM He's been more communicative the last few days. But he went from Thursday to Sunday with almost no sleep. Keight 6/29/99 7:39 AM That going without sleep is not healthy. I just can't imagine doing that. I would have passed out from exhaustion long before Sunday. It is not any wonder why he has problems communicating. Shary2 6/29/99 7:52 AM You're right. His mind gets fuzzy after awhile and he can't even think. I want it to be over! Keight 6/29/99 8:16 AM I have a midi from Rockapella...Do you want it? Shary2 6/29/99 8:17 AM Please! Keight 6/29/99 8:18 AM OK, Here it comes. I just called Mabon and played it for him too. Keight 6/29/99 8:21 AM Boy, that took a while to get there. TN must be a lot farther away than LV Shary2 6/29/99 8:22 AM Funny lady! I'll listen to it in a minute. The office is full of people right now. Keight 6/29/99 8:23 AM Office? People? I thought you were working from your home....Don't understand Shary2 6/29/99 8:25 AM The living room is our "office". I'll take pictures and put them on a website. We have someone here painting, and Lynda (jdoes admin stuff for Rodona) is here. And Rodona and me. Keight 6/29/99 8:26 AM Oh, I understand now. I thought you meant customers type people. That is pretty neat. I can imagine what a different atmosphere it is than the ones you have recently gotten out of. Shary2 6/29/99 8:27 AM It's busy and noisy and ALIVE :-) Keight 6/29/99 8:28 AM Better than being relatively quiet and secluded. But I can also imagine that it could become a bit overwhelming at times too because you were used to quiet seclusion. Shary2 6/29/99 8:29 AM I get my quiet time at night. I'm enjoying the activiity ... at least for now. I can always go up to my room if I need a few minutes by myself. Keight 6/29/99 8:31 AM You have such a wonderful sense of priority. I have a hard time keeping my prioritie straight and allow myself to get sucked up into things before I realize it and then have trouble pulling myself out of it. You have a beautiful way of pulling yourself out before it becomes a problem. Would like to learn that from you. Shary2 6/29/99 8:33 AM That's a lovely thing to say. Shary2 6/29/99 8:35 AM I've tried several times to do that with Andy ... pull out of the relationship before I get "dumped". But just haven't been able to. There has always been that little shred of hope that it mioght work and I just haven't been able to walk away. Now I'm glad I didn't. It isn't perfect, but I do think he really cares for me. Keight 6/29/99 8:36 AM I pick things up too slowly and would like to learn to recogonize problems before I get involved in them so deeply. I have always admired your ability to see things like that and know what is right for you to do and then do it. It takes me so long to get to that point. I truly feel that Andy cares a great deal for you. I am glad you didn't walk away from that situation. Shary2 6/29/99 8:37 AM The joy of loving him outweighs the pain I sometimes allow myself to feel when things are going the way I would like them to. Shary2 6/29/99 8:40 AM Ooooh, I like that sound byte. Keight 6/29/99 8:41 AM When you feel that pain and share it with me, I feel it with you. But I also feel it from his side and (I guess) intuitively know that he truly loves you. It is hard to describe, but I know you are doing what is best for you. You deserve the very best. You know they say that the best things in life are enjoyed much more when there is some pain involved. Keight 6/29/99 8:41 AM Nice, huh? I like it too. Shary2 6/29/99 8:41 AM Do you really belive he loves me? Even when he doesn't think he does? Shary2 6/29/99 8:42 AM I'd like more of them. Keight 6/29/99 8:44 AM I believe so. It is only based on what you tell me, because I have never talked with him personally. But in the things he does and says, it is there. He shows it in so many ways. But when you are so involved in the feelings of the situation, it is harder for you to see. But since I only know what you tell me, you are also telling me that he truly loves you. You are just afraid to believe it yourself because you are afraid of being hurt. Shary2 6/29/99 8:45 AM I think if I could believe that he loves me, that I would be the happiest woman on the planet. I come close to that just believing that he cares a lot for me :-) Keight 6/29/99 8:48 AM Did I tell you that Rockapella answered my questions the same day I asked them? (yesterday) I was surprised. Barry Carl is married and has two daughters. Oh well, I guess I am going to have to settle for Mabons boots under my bed. I told him that he had been replaced by Barry Carl. He tried to make me jealous, but it didn't work. Now he is telling me that he is having lunch Thurs with a woman he used to work with..... Shary2 6/29/99 8:48 AM Is he trying to play mind games with you? Or is he teasing? Why the lunch? Keight 6/29/99 8:52 AM It is a woman he used to tell that he would rather walk behind her because the VIEW was better and that he wanted to get into her drawers (where she kept candy). He thinks I am going to be jealous. I told him I was glad he was having lunch with her and that maybe (since she is divorced) he might strike up a relationship with her and not have to hit the dating scene after all. Shary2 6/29/99 8:53 AM How does he react to those comments? Keight 6/29/99 8:57 AM I guess she called him and asked him to lunch. (My feelings) He may be a little jealous of me and wants that male superiority so he tries to make me jealous too. I don't get jealous. I had dinner with an old high school friend I ran into, and he did the same thing. (tried to make me jealous). David said we would have a better relationship if I were the male and he were the female. I have to admit.... Shary2 6/29/99 8:58 AM interesting Keight 6/29/99 8:59 AM that I do have a twinge of jealousy, but I won't let him know that. The reason I don't want him to know, is that he wants to keep this a friendship and that would let him know that I feel much deeper about it than he does. He won't admit he is jealous either. It just shows in his actions. Keight 6/29/99 9:00 AM I like the way you ask a question that I just answered and sent. It is so ironic. You and I are in total sinc most of the time. Shary2 6/29/99 9:00 AM yep, fun isn't it? Keight 6/29/99 9:00 AM You betcher sweet bippy it is. Shary2 6/29/99 9:01 AM Rodona and I are so much alike and can practically finish each other's sentences (do, in fact, sometimes) and Joseph can't believe it. He's so funny. He just shakes his head at us and laughs. Keight 6/29/99 9:03 AM It is fun. I am really happy that you found a friend that is so good for you and with you. Your whole attitude has changed. Much brighter, positive and happier. Very nice change. Shary2 6/29/99 9:05 AM I agree :-) Shary2 6/29/99 9:05 AM This is what Andy knew would happen and why he encouraged me to come here. Keight 6/29/99 9:08 AM He is a very wise man and very caring about you. That is how I know he loves you. If he didn't, he would not have even cared if you finally left David. He could have kept you there and still have had his "jollies" with you if he didn't really care about you. But once you made your choice, he was right there for you. He didn't try to encourage you to stay with David, so he wouldn't have any responsibility to you and could still have his wants. Shary2 6/29/99 9:08 AM Thank you :-) Keight 6/29/99 9:09 AM taken care of. And when it came time to do the Laughlin job, he was genuinely concerned about your safety and would rather let you go thatn keep you there just for himself whenever he could get to you. So you see the love that he is showing you? Shary2 6/29/99 9:10 AM I asked him if he sent me here to get me out of his way and he got so pissed! That was a couple of weeks ago when we were having some communication problems. Keight 6/29/99 9:13 AM I remember you telling me about that. Again, he showed you how much he cares. Otherwise, he wouldn't have gotten upset. You are a rare lady and he knows it and I feel he would do anything for you that he could. Sure his job is important to him (probably raised that way), but you have him hooked and he couldn't get away if he thought he might want to. Hooked by your honesty, loving and caring ways and your allure. Shary2 6/29/99 9:18 AM God, I hope you're right. Cause I sure am hooked :-) And he knows it too. Keight 6/29/99 9:21 AM All I can tell you is what I "feel", but it is based on what you tell me, and so it is something that you really also KNOW. It is just harder for you to see it, being so deeply involved. I know that from my own experiences. That is why you and I help each other so much. You see for me and I see for you. Shary2 6/29/99 9:27 AM Rodona gets get agravated at Andy sometimes but also believes he cares a lot for me. Has never doubted that, even when I have. Keight 6/29/99 9:31 AM So when you start to feel like maybe he doesn't love you, then talk to one (or both) of us and let us help you find your balance. You are such a wonderfully strong person but you sometimes allow your (old) feelings of low self esteem take hold and feel you aren't good enough to keep him loving you. Get rid of those old tapes. Age makes no difference, it is the man that is important. You love him, not his Love Making or Youth.... Keight 6/29/99 9:33 AM however young that is...and you are the person he loves. He has really been a lot more open and honest with you than most men would be. He let you know what he held important and where you stand in his life. And maybe you come second, but it isn't a very distant second. You are a very lucky person. Shary2 6/29/99 9:36 AM Boy, you sure know how to say the right things. Keight 6/29/99 9:41 AM Most women would give their right arm to be in your place, to have a man like Andy, to be able to write fantasies and have him fulfill them, to know where they stood with their man, to have the freedom to be who she is and be able to communicate like you do. If Mabon and I don't get together, I could only dream of finding what you have. Mabon is my Andy (at this point). Keight 6/29/99 9:44 AM Having a man that may not want to say "I love you" but shows you in so many wonderful ways. What a beautiful relationship. That is something I want more than life itself...to have someone who can SHOW his love for me. The words are nice, but not necessary. The actions show more than words could ever say. But you actually have both. Not I LOVE YOU, but he tells you he cares, he tells you things that say ILY louder than words Shary2 6/29/99 9:47 AM I'm smiling :-) Thanks. Keight 6/29/99 9:50 AM Glad I could make you smile. I need to get some work done, so I will talk with you later. I think I might also write a "story" for Mabon and share it with him tonight. Shary2 6/29/99 9:53 AM me2 ? Keight 6/29/99 9:56 AM Tell you what..I will write one for Mabon and you write one for Andy and we can share later. You know what just went through my mind, when I wrote the last sentence? Instead of "we can SHARE later", we can swap stories and send each others stories. Then see what would happen. Oh, I am SSSOOOOOOO Bad. Talk to you later. Shary2 6/29/99 9:58 AM tsk, tsk :-) Keight 7/1/99 7:40 AM I don't blame you. That can be dangerous if he drives, and just for his own health. I certainly would want it to be over for his sake. It would be nice for you too, because you wouldn't worry so much about him and would be able to see him more. He may have a lot of money, but if he can't live long enough to enjoy it, what's the use of it? Keight 7/1/99 7:40 AM Hi, How are things going for you? Shary2 7/1/99 7:45 AM In a meeting -- many challenges today. Will get back to you when we solve some of the more pressing problems. Keight 7/1/99 7:47 AM I can wait.....No hurry Shary2 7/1/99 8:16 AM sorry. Got lots of problems today and we've got chats going with 4 other people trying to solve them. If I don't get back to you it will be because we're up to our asses in alligators, not because I forgot :-) I sure hope the new medication solves the problems. ttyl Keight 7/1/99 8:16 AM That's OK...I Understand "Alligators" ttyl Shary2 7/1/99 12:05 PM Hi ... Been working on a cgi problem for 8 hours. Just found the solution but still have to work with it for a couple more hours to put the knowledge into practice. Keight 7/1/99 12:08 PM That sounds serious..what is CGI? You are so knowledgable. It is funny how far you have gone from the lady who just entered data, but didn't know the system to this total computer whiz. And here I am, just entering data and don't know the internet system. Seems ironic to me. Shary2 7/1/99 12:10 PM common gateway interface It's what you need to have an interactive form. We've been out of business today because the server we've housed our cgi on went down and we had to find a way to do it that couldn't be done :-) Keight 7/1/99 12:15 PM See what a whiz you are. I am impressed and loving it. Are you going to be and running today, do you think? Shary2 7/1/99 12:15 PM Not today. It's already 3:15 here. Might be able to mail tonight. Keight 7/1/99 12:20 PM What a bummer to have to wait so long to do your mailing. I know what you will be doing tonight....instead of sleeping. Do you still have problems with the CFS? Or have you found a way to work with it? Mickey (Harry's Sister) has CFS and she is looking for any help she can get. Shary2 7/1/99 12:25 PM I don't mean to sound trite about it at all, but the truth is that I don't have time to think about it. I do take good supplements, but don't do anything else. Most of the time I'm ok. Andy might get to come see me in a couple of weeks, or have me meet him in New Orleans. He has to go to LA to look at some transponders. Would be a quick trip. Keight 7/1/99 12:29 PM Oh, how lucky you are. How can you be so calm about it? Well, I guess working so hard on this CGI problem could distort your excitement...Man, I would be elated if I were going to see Mabon in a couple of weeks. I am already getting excited about August coming up in about 6 weeks. Now you have to admit that this is a sign of deep love. (I know the "maybe" is there, but I like to stay positive) Shary2 7/1/99 12:35 PM I just found out this afternoon and it came out in a 3-way with Andy, Rodona and me when we were trying to solve another problem. Haven't really had time to think about it yet. I'll probably be awake all night once it hits me :-) Keight 7/1/99 12:54 PM Copy that...I am excited for you and (once it hits) can imagine what it will do for you. That is the NEATEST! ! ! Keight 7/2/99 12:11 PM Hi Thanks for the "Proverbs" Love them. Are you up and running? Have you have time to comprehend your upcoming visitation? Keight 7/2/99 12:12 PM I am taking down the email.It causes problems with ICQ (or vice versa) and I am going to try running them individually. Shary2 7/2/99 12:17 PM The shoot sounds like fun. Nope, haven't had time to think about Andy's visit. We had a fierce storm last night. Had to shut down the computers for the night. First time they've all been off since I got here. Keight 7/2/99 12:19 PM The shoot was fun. I watched them do Bob's make-up and how they did the lighting and panning of the camera. Also saw how easy it is for someone to forget their lines (like in the bloopers on TV). It was really neat. Do they have tornadoes where you are? Shary2 7/2/99 12:20 PM Yes, there was a storm warning for us and a tornado warning just south of us. The house literally shook when it thundered. Keight 7/2/99 12:22 PM Wow, that would be a bit scary. But they build the houses to withstand quite a bit of weather like that, don't they?? Did you hide under the door sill or in the basement? Shary2 7/2/99 12:23 PM I just went to bed and read. We didn't lowse power but everytime the thunder was real strong, it made my phone ring :-) Keight 7/2/99 12:24 PM Did you answer it? It may have been the Universe trying to get ahold of your attention, you know. Shary2 7/2/99 12:25 PM tee hee hee Keight 7/2/99 12:26 PM Whaaaaaat? Do you have plans for the 4th? Shary2 7/2/99 12:26 PM We're going to the post (Fort Campbell) for the fireworks display and will probably have a cookout at Rodona's and Joe's. Keight 7/2/99 12:29 PM That sounds like fun. Donna (a friend of mine) invited us up for a BBQ and then another friend invited us to her apartment building to watch the fireworks. Shary2 7/2/99 12:29 PM Sounds nice. Wiill Dawn go with you? Keight 7/2/99 12:32 PM I think she is going - at least she is invited. Shary2 7/2/99 12:33 PM I'm looking forward to the fireworks. Keight 7/2/99 12:36 PM I love fireworks. This willbe the first time in a VERY long time that I have seen them and only the second time that I will have watched them from a really good vantage point. Beside we may turn out to have a party there in the meantime. I don't know anyone who will be there, except one person. But maybe I could meet someone there who would like to be a friend. Shary2 7/2/99 12:37 PM I really don't have much opportunity to meet anyone here but just having Rodona's family keeps me from being lonely. Keight 7/2/99 12:38 PM Mabon did not have his lunch with his ex-coworker yesterday. He said she called and postponed it until next week. Yesterday AM he started trying to "get friendly" and I wouldn't let him because I didn't want him all excited before meeting her. I told him, it may want him to jump her bones right there and then. Shary2 7/2/99 12:38 PM what did he say? Keight 7/2/99 12:39 PM It sounds like she is a really nice person. I like the way they have taken you in as a part of their family. It is good to know that you are being taken care of (so to speak) and don't have to be alone. Hope you know what I mean. Shary2 7/2/99 12:40 PM Andy has said the same thing. He seems to be truly glad that I'm happier here. Of course if I get to see him soon, I will be estatic, not just happy. Keight 7/2/99 12:41 PM He laughed and agreed with me. I asked him if he thought I would be jealous and he said he didn't know. But I think he was trying to see if I would. He said Mary was very jealous and I let him know that I am not the jealous type. I told him, "I don't get mad, I get even." Keight 7/2/99 12:41 PM I am surprised that you haven't gotten that way already. I would have had my heart in my throat, no matter how much work I had to do. Shary2 7/2/99 12:42 PM I'll let you know if I get to talk to Andy tonight. I think I sent you the last story I wrote. Shary2 7/2/99 12:43 PM It's way too indefinite to get overly excited yet. Keight 7/2/99 12:44 PM Which one was that? You sent the one about the new outfit...was there one after that? You were going to write one and I was going to write one and we were going to exchange. I never got mine written and haven't received yours. Shary2 7/2/99 12:45 PM Did I send the one about going to Vegas to meet him? Keight 7/2/99 12:56 PM That was the one where you had the new outfit (and I couldn't get the link to work) and he said it was nice. Shary2 7/2/99 12:57 PM Did you get installment 2 of Mt Charleston after the 3 mudslides and 2 B-52's? Keight 7/2/99 12:57 PM Nope, I didn't get that one. Shary2 7/2/99 12:58 PM I will send it in a few minutes. Keight 7/2/99 12:59 PM I will leave the email on for a while. If it causes problems, I will have to take ICQ down too. But we will corss that bridge when we get to it Shary2 7/2/99 1:00 PM I'm getting ready to send it right now. Shary2 7/2/99 1:02 PM It's sent. Keight 7/2/99 1:02 PM Great I will go get it and be right back Keight 7/2/99 1:07 PM And I bet bet he wanted to go to bed...right? Keight 7/2/99 1:07 PM No????? I wonder why Shary2 7/2/99 1:09 PM We had a discussion way before we met the first time and he asked me if I like oral sex. I said yes, very much, up to a point. So, when I wrote about being uninhibited about 3 drinks, he said "does that mean you swallow?" He was teasing me so that's why I wrote the story the way I did. Shary2 7/2/99 1:10 PM He wrote back and said it's my story so I have to finish it my way. He wasn't about to make the choice. He's such a chicken! I haven't decided yet where to go from there. Keight 7/2/99 1:12 PM That is one thing I told Mabon I would not EVER do. I asked him to please be sure that he NEVER ejaculated in my mouth or tried to hold me down when I had him in my mouth. My uncle used to do that and I gag. Vic, one time, tried to hold me down and I NEVER did oran sex with him again. I am not sure I can do it with Mabon, but he likes it so much. Keight 7/2/99 1:12 PM We do it on the phone, but I don't know if I will be able to in person. I have told him that already. Keight 7/2/99 1:13 PM At least in a story, you can do whatever you want. It is what happens in real life that counts. Can I ask you a REALLY personal question (about you and Andy)? Shary2 7/2/99 1:15 PM yes, of course Keight 7/2/99 1:17 PM It sounds (in some of the BTS) that you have anal sex. Is that what you do? or am I missing something? You talk about his entering you from the back, but you are bent over. Is there a way to enter the cervix from the back? There are some things that I have never experienced and am really curious. Shary2 7/2/99 1:20 PM That is the one thing I have told Andy that I will NEVER do :-) He has never had anal sex with anyone and I did once with Dick and hated it. Andy is so huge that I would die. But I love vaginal sex with the guy behind me. It is a very different feeling as the pressure points are so different. And the curve of the penis is the opposite of intercourse from the front. VERY NICE! When Andy and I are together >>> Shary2 7/2/99 1:21 PM I spend a lot of time giving him oral sex. He loves it and thinks I'm really good at it. One time when I went to Vegas to see him and we were in a hotel, we were watching Jerry Springer on TV in the morning and I spent every commercial with my head under the covers :-) Keight 7/2/99 1:32 PM Thank you for clarifying that for me. I don't like anl sex either. Vic did it once and I hated it also. But I might see if Mabon would try this other. He probably has never done it himself. It could be a real learning experience for both of us. How did you ever discover this position? I need to send you copies of my Mayan Calendar. You would love it. It has quite a story behind it. Keight 7/2/99 1:33 PM Each month is a different position (with mayans). Merrilyn McDonald knows the woman who created it. This woman created the calendar, but needed the artwork done by someone else. She needed pictures for the artist to draw from. So she commissioned her best friend and her brother to pose for the photos. Her friend was elated to pose with her brother because he is really good looking. Shary2 7/2/99 1:34 PM It must be interesting :-) I found I liked that position with my first husband. I think we probably discovered it by him cuddling around me, getting a hard-on, and just wiggling around till we got "connected". Probably didn't start out with that in mind. Keight 7/2/99 1:34 PM Although the positions are a bit compromising they wore swim suits while being photographed. Shary2 7/2/99 1:34 PM Fascinating. Keight 7/2/99 1:36 PM Well, that is interesting. I like to be cuddled from behind too, but I don't want anal sex, and when Vic would start to "rise" I would turn toward him. Mabon and I cuddle back to belly. But he also does not like anal sex. So this would be an interesting way to progress in a more natural way. Thank you for sharing that with me. Donna was telling me about a new technique I am going to try with Mabon. It is called a "Hum Job" Shary2 7/2/99 1:37 PM Tell me about that. Sounds most interesting! Shary2 7/2/99 1:50 PM tell me .... tell me Shary2 7/2/99 1:58 PM OK... you have me on the edge of my chair! Keight 7/2/99 2:13 PM I did tell you about the hum job....Hum with your mouth on the dick and it drives them crazy. Hum on the balls, hum in the groin, hum wherever. They can hum on us too and it would surely be nice. Think how it would feel to have Andy "hum" on your nipples or other "special" places. Just to think about it gets things stirring. Shary2 7/2/99 2:14 PM Well, yes it does :-) Keight 7/2/99 2:23 PM I was a "Baaad" girl this AM. I started teasing Mabon when I knew I didn't have time to "finish" and then left him hanging "cause I had to take a shower and get ready for work." But I did it purposely. Hoping that tonight he will be turned on and ready to have fun. It was really hard for me to do that, but it felt good to be in control of the situation. That is terrible, I know. But sometimes I like to have control (Scorpio) Shary2 7/2/99 2:27 PM Andy is very willing to yield control in bed ... but nowhere else. Keight 7/2/99 2:29 PM Well, at least he lets you have control somewhere and you know where it is. That allows you to do whatever you want. That is a good place to have control, because in the long run it may wield control in other areas. I like the saying "A man chases a woman until she catches him." Keight 7/6/99 8:06 AM It is like oral sex, only you hum with your mouth over the end of the penis and it causes quite a vibration for them. I can imagine what it would do to them. It sure tickles my lips to hum with nothing in between. Humming could work on all parts of the body. Keight 7/6/99 8:12 AM Someone sent a URL of nudies. I opened it before checking to see who it was from. I thought it was from you and I usually just open things from you because I know you only send good things. When I realized this wasn't from you, I deleted it. Just sent you an email. I closed the Outlook so I can use ICQ. Shary2 7/6/99 8:13 AM i'll check my eamil Shary2 7/6/99 8:14 AM can't get into aol till i finish a download Keight 7/6/99 8:30 AM Later if OK...I will be here most of the day. I am going to lunch with a friend (around noon) and will probably go home around 4:30 or 5 PM. Keight 7/7/99 7:42 AM Hi, how are you doing? Did you get my email from yesterday? I took down Outlook so ICQ can run. Shary2 7/7/99 7:43 AM Hi, I got it but haven't gotten to read it yet. Have not slept since Monday night. Mexico server is down. Lost our cgi-bin. Sad conversation with Andy. Will take a break this afternoon and read my mail. Keight 7/7/99 7:45 AM Maybe when you take a break you can fill me in on the conversation with Andy. Sounds like you have had your fair share of problems. Let me know when you break. Shary2 7/7/99 7:49 AM You know how I am. Can't really talk about it when it's fresh. But basically we're just not making any plans. Will continue to communicate but with no plans or goals for after laughlin. He is so stressed with work, and I can't stay on this roller coaster. It may just taper off rather than flame out. Will have to wait and see. Keight 7/7/99 7:52 AM I know how it is about talking about things while they are fresh. But I have found talking with you has helped so much. The roller coaster ride should not be a part of any relationship. You will do what is best for you. Just know that you have my (((((((hugs))))))))) and support. Shary2 7/7/99 7:52 AM thanks Keight 7/7/99 7:54 AM You are a really special person. Always remember that. It sounds like you need to get some rest yourself. Shary2 7/7/99 7:55 AM yep, I will, but couldn't sleep now. And need to solve some more problems before I can even think about it. Keight 7/7/99 7:55 AM Just take care of yourself. You can't earn that green stuff, if you are ill. Keight 7/11/99 6:38 AM Hi-What's happening? This is the first time in a long time that I have had my home computer on. I had 42 email messages. They are the ones you send me at work and then I forward them home and delete them from my work computer. Some things I don't really want anyone else to read, if you catch my drift..... Shary2 7/11/99 6:46 AM Hi ... I'm here but icq'ing with andy about work. Keight 7/11/99 6:47 AM OK, talk to you later.. I have a Toastmaster picnic to go to soon. You have a great day and will probably talk to you tomorrow from work. Keight 7/12/99 12:47 PM Did you get my last ICQ Message or my last email? I don't know if I am having problems with this system or what. Anyway, Hi and How are you? I have to quickly share this with you...Mabon told his step-daughter about me coming out to stay with him for a while. She said she was glad and if we got married it was OK with her. I know it made him feel better, because he didn't know what she would say. Shary2 7/12/99 12:48 PM wow! That's a big step. Keight 7/12/99 12:49 PM Also, talked to Kay Schaff last night and she was asking about you. I told her that you and David had divorced and that you had moved to TN. She didn't understand why, but I explained a short bit to her and she said to tell you HI for her. She would like to know if she can get some of the cream she got from you somewhere in PHX? I guess it is probably the creamy base for the lotions. Shary2 7/12/99 12:51 PM I don't have any way of getting it here. Besides shipping would be awful. But tell her hello for me. I'm wondering what I'm doing here too! Business is not going well. The one good thing is that Rodona and I are in this together. If I were alone right now, I'd be a mess. Keight 7/12/99 12:51 PM I was certainly relieved. It was a truly giant step for him. He hasn't told anyone I was coming out. His brother knows we talk, but that is all. It really made me feel good when he told me this AM. He told her last night. We still talk every AM from 4-6 and at night from about 6-8. Shary2 7/12/99 12:51 PM I envy you. Keight 7/12/99 12:53 PM That doesn't sound good. Is it the programs or the way "they" are trying to stop you from doing what you do? I certainly wish you being able to beat the odds and making things work. Shary2 7/12/99 12:54 PM There are so many things that it is impossible to put out all the fires at the same time. I jokingly said today that I'm going to take my marbles and go home, and Lynda (our admin gal) said "And just where is that Shary?" Reality check!!! Keight 7/12/99 12:56 PM OOOOOO, please don't envy me. You have so much to be thankful for and no need to ever envy anyone. You are in a gray area right now. But things will work out for you. You are strong and intelligent enough to find all the right solutions. Draw on the Scorpio power you have for strength. That is what you need right now, is to grab hold of your own strength. You scare me when you use the 4 letter E word. Shary2 7/12/99 12:57 PM Sorry. It's just that I miss communicating with Andy. I give myself mixed signals a thousand times a day. Let go. Hold on. Back and forth. Keight 7/12/99 12:59 PM Ouch, the "home" thing was a low blow. You are home wherever you are or choose to be. You are floundering a bit, because all the security has been pulled out from under you. But where you are, is where you are and that is home. You do like I do and confuse yourself with all the what if's. Believe me I thoroughly understand that. I do it so much myself. But you know what? You are the one to always make me look at what I am doing, Keight 7/12/99 1:01 PM and take a good look at what is really important. You are floundering without roots or ties to hold you and it is scary. But you have the strength to find out what Shary wants to do and make it happen. You don't need the ties, and if you do then you need some that are strong enough to be there consistantly. Not like the ones you have had so far. That person is there for you, you just have to get unbusy and find him. Shary2 7/12/99 1:01 PM Joseph was here (Rodona's husband) and he laughed and said for me to just go upstairs :-) I went with the family yesterday to see Star Wars. It was a nice break. Shary2 7/12/99 1:02 PM I don't have a clue where to look. Shary2 7/12/99 1:03 PM I don't know whether I need to let go of andy before I can find someone else, or if I need to find someone else to be able to let go of andy. Shary2 7/12/99 1:03 PM I really do love him, but think I deserve to be treated better. Keight 7/12/99 1:07 PM I have been told to listen to my own advice and now I am telling you the same thing. All the wonderful advice you gave me before, you need to listen to now. The right person will find you, but you need to be available and as far as Andy (who?) goes, Don't worry about which is the horse and which is the buggy, just let whatever happens right now happen. Don't put yourself in such a traumatic spin. Don't try to judge the situation. Shary2 7/12/99 1:08 PM thanks - I know you're right. I'm ok most of the time, but sometimes the sadness just comes over me like a wave and I feel like I'm drowning. Keight 7/12/99 1:09 PM You will go crazy. Relax, write what is in your heart and let it go. Then make yourself open to going places and meeting new people where you are. You said you like the area and want to stay. If that is so, then get acquainted with it and the people. You are beautiful, full of vitality and lots of fun Shary2 7/12/99 1:10 PM I'm working at it. :-) Keight 7/12/99 1:18 PM You are a very strong person. When you get down, draw on that strength. You know you have my love and support. I just wish there were someway I could wrap my hands around and take away the pain and confusion you are feeling. Shary2 7/12/99 1:21 PM Thanks for your support. It means a lot. Keight 7/12/99 1:32 PM Hi, Did you get my email yesterday? I sent it from home. Keight 7/12/99 1:32 PM There was a husband who wore abbreviated shorts without anything under them. When he squatted down to talk to women, he fell out of the leg of the shorts. When he stood up, he looked like he was reaching to shke their hand. It was really funny. The sad thing is that he wasn't particularly good looking either. It was funny, but sort of sad too. His wife didn't speak to him much during the entire day. Keight 7/12/99 1:32 PM You mean a lot to me. You have been able to pull me out of some really low places in my life and I will always be grateful. I wish I could come visit you and we could go out "looking" at/for "men" together. Since we are both foot loose and fancy free. You would have appreciated what I saw yesterday at the Toastmasters Picnic. Keight 7/12/99 2:47 PM Catch you tomorrow. Going home now. Talk to you Tuesday. Only 5 weeks from tomorrow and I will be on my way to Chicago. I can't believe how fast time has gone by. Keight 7/13/99 7:45 AM Hi...How are things this AM? I guess your AM is almost over with by now, since it is almost 9 AM here, it is probably around noon there, Right? Shary2 7/13/99 7:47 AM Hi ... It's 10:45 here and Rodona brought me a giant french vanilla cappuccino this morning. We've been working since 6:00 and things are going much better today. Keight 7/13/99 7:52 AM So, you are only 2 hours ahead of us. I thought you were at least 3, if not 4 hours ahead. The cappucino sounds delish. I found a scrumptious slushie that is 1/2 mocha and 1/2 french vanilla. OH, it is sinfully good. Shary2 7/13/99 7:53 AM we're on central time Keight 7/13/99 7:55 AM So is Mabon. He has a sore just below his navel and went to a surgeon yesterday. It is an absessed stitch from a surgery he had last year and he the doctor tried to remove it yesterday, but couldn't get it. He has to go to the hospital tomorrow and have it removed. He is really sore today from what they did yesterday and not looking forward to having it done again. Shary2 7/13/99 7:56 AM doesn't sound like fun at all Keight 7/13/99 7:57 AM I wish I could be there with him. He needs a ride to and from the hospital, besides it is always nice to have someone waiting when you get out of something like that. Beside, I would just like to be there with him, period. I am really getting excited about going in 5 weeks from today. Shary2 7/13/99 7:58 AM The time will go by so fast. Keight 7/13/99 7:58 AM I sent him a fantasy yeseterday, do you want to read it? If so, I will send it email. Keight 7/13/99 7:59 AM It has already been going by fast. I have already started setting some clothes aside that I am going to take and we have been making plans about what we are going to be doing. It is so much fun. I told him last night, I feel like a teenager getting ready for a first date - excited and scared at the same time. Shary2 7/13/99 8:01 AM That's exactly how I felt in September when I met Andy. He told me when we were together last month that he was scared too that first time. Keight 7/13/99 8:04 AM It is an exciting feeling. Now we are both starting to bring up things that could happen so we are together, but can't make love. I think I told you that the doctor put me on estrogen/progesterone pills? Well, I started my first "spotting" last Tuesday, Sunday it developed into a full blown period and is still a heavy flow. He asked when I would have the next one. (about the time I go to Chicago) I will "strangle" that doctor if that happens Shary2 7/13/99 8:05 AM I don't blame you! Keight 7/13/99 8:06 AM Now he is having this surgery and (right now) can't stand any pressure on it. What if it doesn't get better and we can't do anything. I mean I feel just like a teenager, with all the stupid worries. It is actually fun, though. Keight 7/13/99 8:10 AM Did you want to read the fantasy? I feel so good inside since we have been talking. It is like the person I used to like is starting to peek out. I am having fun with life, people and starting to really feel alive again. Mabon worries about me, he lets me know he cares, not by saying "I care", but in the other little things he says. He lets me open up and say what I am feeling, even when it makes him uncomfortable. Keight 7/13/99 8:16 AM I feel like I can say what is bothering me when there is a problem and he listens and cares and tries to do something about it. That is so strange and new to me. It is really wonderful. I know you and Andy have had some experiences similar to what we are going through. That is one reason I know I can share this with you. Shary2 7/13/99 8:21 AM I was so self-conscious. I had a new sexy teddy that andy had sent me the money for and I was scared to death to put it on. Shary2 7/13/99 8:22 AM yes, by all means, send it Keight 7/13/99 8:34 AM Did he like it? I feel like that with some of the things I am planning on taking. I have a skirt that buttons all the way down the front. I told him about it and he asked if he could unbutton it with his teeth. That really sent butterflies throughout the whole body. I had never even thought of that. I was thinking about just his hands unbuttoning it and that was exciting enough. Keight 7/13/99 8:34 AM I will send it email. Shary2 7/13/99 8:35 AM oh my! with his teeth? that's an interesting picture :-) Shary2 7/13/99 8:36 AM thanks! Keight 7/13/99 8:36 AM I know it really sent me into orbit. I have a teddy. I wonder if he will unsnap it with his teeth? Oh my there go those sily butterflies. I sent the email and as a file because I forget you don't read that file. So I sent it again. Shary2 7/13/99 8:36 AM will read it during a break Shary2 7/13/99 8:38 AM i can read .doc files -- just not some of the others you have sent Keight 7/13/99 8:38 AM You can read it anytime. He hasn't received it yet. I told him I was sending it. He asked if I was trying to get him turned on. I said yes. He said he was going to have to start grabbing women off the street, if I keep it up. I said they wouldn't be half as much fun as me. Shary2 7/13/99 8:39 AM sounds like you 2 have so much fun Keight 7/13/99 8:39 AM Oh. Well, anyway, you have two copies then. Shary2 7/13/99 8:40 AM better than none :-) Keight 7/13/99 8:41 AM We really do. It is amazing that we talk for 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours at night and never run out of things to talk about. We talk about everything from personal things, to politics to sports to animals to whatever. He said we used to do the same thing when we were together before. That is what he liked about our relationship then. Shary2 7/13/99 8:41 AM andy and i did that when we were together, but not now Keight 7/13/99 8:43 AM I guess so. Did I tell you that he finally told his stepdaughter about me coming out and staying with him? He was afraid to tell her because he thought she might be hurt. She gave him her blessings and support. That made him feel better and his telling her made me feel really terrific. It means that he is making a committment of sorts to us. Shary2 7/13/99 8:44 AM yes, you told me and i think it is wonderful Keight 7/13/99 8:45 AM There is that special person for Shary just waiting for the right time to appear. Maybe like a fantasy story, he will be coming around a corner and you will bump into each other and just know that this is it. Or maybe not that corny, but it will happen. Shary2 7/13/99 8:47 AM I think I told you that both david and lin see a relationship for me in TN. But lin said to be careful because i will get involved with someone without knowing he is married, but that there will be someone else who is the right one. Keight 7/13/99 8:47 AM He says he is really starting to look forward to me coming out there, he is making all kinds of plans from what to fix for meals to where to eat out to where to go for rides to sitting by the lake and watching the sunset behind the Chicago skyline. It is really exciting. Keight 7/13/99 8:49 AM No, you didn't tell me that. I feel like that is what will be. I hadn't felt like there would be a married man involved, but I am confident that you will find a "perfect" love for you. You deserve the very best. Shary2 7/13/99 8:50 AM Well, let me act like a pouty little girl for just a minute: I don't want what's best, I want Andy! Now I got that out of my system :-) Keight 7/14/99 8:18 AM That was Cute. I like it when you pout. Then, if you truly WANT Andy, go for him. You don't have to listen to anything anyone else says. You have a lot invested in him, you know what he has to offer, and you know if you can or want to put up with it. One thing is that you CAN'T change him. You can only change how you feel about things. Keight 7/14/99 8:21 AM Good Morning - Just trying to find something to keep my mind busy while waiting to hear how Mabon is doing. He is going to have surgery this AM to remove the infected stitch. I know it isn't really serious surgery, but I still worry, because of all the other problems he has had. Wish I could physically be there with him, but being there in spirit will have to do. Keight 7/15/99 12:20 PM HI...I just sent you a couple of emails because you didn't have ICQ up earlier in the day. Shary2 7/15/99 12:22 PM We're doing a lot of testing today so will be on and offline frequenty. An hour ago I was about ready to move to Portland and spend my middle age taking care of my dad, but things are starting to look up a bit. Keight 7/15/99 12:23 PM Whoa..that must have been pretty bad. Glad things are beginning to look up from there. Seems like the only way to go from there is up. Shary2 7/15/99 12:29 PM I haven't cried today so it must be getting better :-) Keight 7/15/99 12:31 PM That is certainly a positive point. Maybe you can get a small chuckle out of the second email I sent you. It is Dilbert Quotes for Actual office memos or situations. Note the companies involved. Enjoy. Shary2 7/15/99 12:48 PM thanks -- will take a break in a bit and read it Keight 7/15/99 12:51 PM I need to get going. You take care and you will have this computer thing licked in no time. The other "situation" will just have to let time tell. Love you, (((((((((SHARY)))))))) Keight 7/26/99 7:22 AM Hi, Shary - Did you change the way you are spelling your name, or have I always had it wrong? I replied toyour email - (There wasn't anything there.) Shary2 7/26/99 7:30 AM That is my "special acct" and I spelled it differently on purpose since my spelling is rather unique. I meant to forward something. Will send it next time I get in that acct. Keight 7/26/99 7:32 AM OK. I thought that I had mised out on something important. Your name is beautiful, just like the person it represents. How was your weekend? I have received replies from 3 guys from snap.com. hey all seem really nice and we have started sending emails back and forth. One of them has ICQ and so I have him set up too. This is fun. Shary2 7/26/99 7:34 AM I could have gone for a drive around the area with one guy yesterday, but didn't want him to pick me up at home and be in a car with a stranger. We have a coffee date for Wednesday. I'm not real excited about it. Keight 7/26/99 7:49 AM Well, at least it is a start, even if you aren't thrilled with him, it could lead to meeting someone else later on. Let me know how it goes. I don't blame you for not wanting to go for a ride with a stranger. That just isn't safe anymore. Keight 7/26/99 2:48 PM Even thought I am finding "men" to write to, Mabon is still my pick of "druthers". I am not really looking for a permanent relationship, but it would be nice to have someone local to visit with. I can imagine that you feel somewhat the same, except you have the added confusion about where you and Andy are in that relationship. I am going to email you a question I have and it will take more than this window has to offer. Shary2 7/26/99 2:49 PM I found a real cutie on SNAP! I emailed him and he emailed me back asking for my pic. He's only 49 (perfect for me, but might not think I'm perfect for him). Keight 7/26/99 2:51 PM I like snap.com too. I had problems with digitalcity in sending replies. I don't know if it is our server or what. Snap.com has some pretty neat guys though. Your picture is beautiful and if he doesn't like you, he is crazy. Keight 7/26/99 3:53 PM I am meeting him (Kevin) at the Crossroads Restaurant at 8 PM tonight. My stomach is turning inside out, butterflies are all out of formation and I am scared spitless. Shary2 7/26/99 3:53 PM Check this out. http://www.classifieds2000.com/cgi-cls/ad.exe? 144+C180+A0+R3377238+Q254369976 Keight 7/26/99 3:55 PM OK, going there now. Shary2 7/26/99 3:56 PM Have fun. Shary2 7/26/99 3:56 PM Just enjoy yourself. Relax. Take a deep breath. Keight 7/26/99 3:57 PM It says that the url could not be found - host was not found Shary2 7/26/99 3:58 PM drat! Did you paste in both parts? It got split in ICQ I think. Keight 7/26/99 3:59 PM I put in www.classifieds2000.com/cgi-cls/ad.exe?P144+C1 0+A0+R3377238+Q254369976 Is that right? Shary2 7/26/99 3:59 PM did you try it from the url icq i just sent? Keight 7/26/99 4:04 PM Just got there. Give me a second to look....Very nice. But do you want to have more children now? Nice looking, tho. Thanks for the advice about breathing deep, if i can just do it. I am having trouble breathing at all, let alone deep breathes. Shary2 7/26/99 4:05 PM Oh, god, no kids, no way, But I told him that and he still asked for more info. Keight 7/26/99 4:09 PM I didn't think you wanted more kids. Good thing he is still interested. Really looks nice ! ! ! Are you going to meet him? I almost feel like I am going to wet my pants. I talked with Kevin on the phone and he sounds really nice. I am so scared. This is just a friendly meeting, right? He probably won't like me and I won't have to worry about it anymore, right? I need to leave work now. Will talk to you tomorow and let you know what Keight 7/27/99 9:31 AM Good AM to you. Well, I did it. I met "Kevin" and he is really nice. He took me in his car to Zips and we had a drink and talked. We got ther are 8:30 and at 10PM he asked if I knew what time it was. I got home at 10:30 PM. That is so late for me, but it was really fun. He is a nice man, had serious relationship problems and is still dealing with his emotions. Not going to be a relationship, but could be a friendship. Shary2 7/27/99 9:32 AM wonderful! what does he look like? were you comfortable going in the car with him? Keight 7/27/99 9:34 AM He is about 5'7", black hair (he just had died), mustache, goatee, but nicely taken care of. He was so nice. He bought the drinks, laid things out on the table and I felt really comfortable. Yes I felt at ease in his car. I had no "bad vibes" from him, you know? We met at one restaurand, that I didn't know was closed. That is why we went in his car and left mine. Shary2 7/27/99 9:35 AM is he going to call you? Keight 7/27/99 9:36 AM His son said to tell me he was an ax murderer at night and he mentioned that in an email. Well, he said it again as I was going to his car and I said I know, that is why I am just shaking in my boots. Actually he works with the police academy in teaching gun safety. He is extremely intelligent and likes deep conversations about abstract concepts (which I love) It was fun. Shary2 7/27/99 9:37 AM why do you feel it couldn't develop into a relationship? Not that it should, friendship is a valuable thing, but I'm curious why you say that. Keight 7/27/99 9:38 AM Didn't say. We did agree to continue to communicate. We will just have to see what happens. I don't think I am his type and I don't think he is my type, but we can still email and ICQ. See what happens from there. Shary2 7/27/99 9:39 AM sounds like a very nice meeting i'm supposed to have coffee with bob tomorrow but rodona -- and her car -- will be gone not sure what i want to do about that yet Shary2 7/27/99 9:39 AM i just sent andy an email that puts me out on a BIG TIME limb! will send copy to you Keight 7/27/99 9:41 AM He "feels" like he has too much "baggabe" to get rid of. He is still in love with a woman who dumped him and totally destroyed his heart. He has a lot to process to get rid of that and I don't want to deal with it in a relationship Keight 7/27/99 9:41 AM Would love to see your email to Andy Shary2 7/27/99 9:43 AM sending it now -- we have had almost no "personal" communication for days -- feels distant and strained i'm tired of being on an emotional roller coaster so decided to give it one last shot and see how he deals with it setting myself up here, and I know it, but it's kinda like pulling a tooth :-) Keight 7/27/99 9:52 AM So he as two chances, slim and none,,,is that what I am hearing? If he says yes, what are you going to do? Cut it off or carry a torch? And if he CAN'T get there? or doensn't WANT to? You really are setting yourself up. Shary2 7/27/99 9:56 AM there's a chance he won't be able to get away for quite awhile but i didn't put any time limit on it any response is going to be a better indicator of how he feels than anything i've gotten lately if he says he doesn't want to, then that's that if he can't then i won't really know if it's real or an excuse, but we'll see how he responds it's time to shake it up a bit Keight 7/27/99 9:58 AM You absolutely right. I know it must be driving you crazy. It would me. You know I support you and I truly hope he is "the" right guy for you and will respond the most positively for you both. Shary2 7/27/99 9:59 AM it's dying by attrition right now -- both of us distancing because the other is, I think this should bring some life -- or death -- to it seeing him in vegas is not the issue, really -- just a vehicle Keight 7/27/99 10:00 AM You know I said that 3 guys responded to my answers to their ads? I met one last night and one of the other two wants me to go to Cabo San Lucas in January. He has such a sense of humor. Keight 7/27/99 10:00 AM That is true. You certainly need closure if that is the way it is going to go. Or something positive to hang on to if it is meant to be. Shary2 7/27/99 10:02 AM I've been terrified of pushing it because i'm scared it will end, but i know that it is useless, harmfull, and ultimately more painful to hang on if there is nothing to hang on to. So today i took the bull by the balls so to speak. Keight 7/27/99 10:08 AM I bet that BULL said OUCH. You are so right. And it is best to know what is going on so you can get on with your life. I know you can't really get serious about meeting someone else until you resolve this with him. Tell me more about Bob, speaking of meeting others. Can you take a bus to some place where you can meet him? Or even a taxi? Shary2 7/27/99 10:11 AM I'm not very excited about him, but he does seem to have a good sense of humor. He's fun to chat with for a few minutes. He's 57, 5'8 or 9 I think, fairly slim, not good looking, but not butt-ugly :-) That's how andy described himself to me before we met. He said "I'm no god, but I'm not butt-ugly either." Keight 7/27/99 10:14 AM But you like his BUTT so it can't be too ugly. Well, maybe Bob could at least be a friend and you may meet someone else through him. But you can't really be free to get to know him, with Andy in the background. Keight 7/27/99 12:34 PM Those are just way too funny. Thank you so much for sharing them with me. I have already shared them with half the word. Leet me know if and when Andy replies to your email. Shary2 7/27/99 12:35 PM I sure will. We've had more communication today than in a long time. All business but it feels better than it has recently. It's almost as if I can feel his energy sometimes through the computer, more than what he says. Keight 7/27/99 12:37 PM That is a true connection. If he turned you down and breaks off, I want you to remember what you did with David....untie all the cords. You need to do that wiht Andy, but probably even more so. With David some of the cords had been undone some years before. With Andy all the cords are tight. Shary2 7/27/99 12:40 PM yes, they are Keight 7/27/99 12:43 PM That will be the only way to really release him, that and untying your cords from him. But let's hope it doesn't come to that. You still seem like you "belong" together, whatever that means. Remember that you have been told about the differences you and he have to work through. Shary2 7/27/99 12:45 PM I'm going to be here alone for the next couple of days so this is probably a very good time or a very bad time to do this :-) Keight 7/27/99 12:48 PM If he answers positively, it should be great. If not, it could be torture. You can always call me on my cell phone and talk 509) 951 3544. It is on most of the day. I turn it off at night when I get home, which is usually quite late (just before I go to bed). Dawn moved out last night. She has her own apartment and took her bed and clothes and stayed there. It sure is nice. She will finish moving this weekend. Shary2 7/27/99 12:49 PM glad to hear that :-) Keight 7/27/99 12:50 PM Me too. I even sang in the shower this AM because no one but me and the dogs would hear me. (I sing terrible) Keight 7/27/99 1:07 PM Have you decided what you are going to do about going to meet Bob tomorrow? Shary2 7/27/99 1:08 PM nope -- forgot all about it! guess I better do something :-) Keight 7/27/99 1:10 PM Let me know what you decide. Shary2 7/27/99 1:11 PM I am leaning toward to letting him pick me up here and going someplace close for coffee. My pendulum says I will be safe with him but I will not enjoy his company much. Keight 7/27/99 1:13 PM I found that my instincts have been pretty good up to now. I think you have the same good insticnts, probably even better. Go with what you feel. Shary2 7/27/99 3:01 PM well? Keight 7/28/99 8:10 AM Hi, I am back up and "running" Shary2 7/28/99 8:12 AM Now, I don't remember what I was going to respond to your email :-) Keight 7/28/99 8:13 AM Oops, that's a bummer. Sorry for the interruption. Open your mouth and stick out your tongue........No I can't see it there either. You must have swallowed it. Just wait until you "burp" and it will be there again. Shary2 7/28/99 8:14 AM hahaha Keight 7/28/99 8:15 AM Thought that would get a chuckle from you. Good to see you laugh. I shared that swim suit story with so many people so far. It was absolutely hilarious. I still laugh over it. Shary2 7/28/99 8:15 AM I know what it was. I just gave Bob directions so I'm committed now. Oh, well, at least he has a convertible :-) Should be a nice break. I'll definitely let you know. Shary2 7/28/99 8:16 AM Got something else from Lin this morning that I'll forward to you. She sends the best stuff! Keight 7/28/99 8:17 AM CONVERTIBLE ! ! ! ! How come you are so lucky? I'd go no matter what he was like, just to ride in the convertible. I am still trying to get Harry (my boss) to take me for a ride in his fire engine red volkswagen convertible. Shary2 7/28/99 8:19 AM This is a dark blue Honda Del Sol. If nothing else, that will make it worthwhile. I'm going to take a 15-minute pool break before it gets any hotter and then shower and do my hair. Be back in awhile. Keight 7/28/99 8:20 AM You are beautiful just like you are. How hot is it there? We are getting up into the high 90's today (98 I think) and it is hot here. Have fun. TTYL Keight 7/28/99 1:11 PM Welcome back How was it? Shary2 7/28/99 1:12 PM boring Keight 7/28/99 1:13 PM Too bad. How was the car? Was that at least worth it? Shary2 7/28/99 1:13 PM We did not have a conversation -- we just took turns talking. Shary2 7/28/99 1:13 PM Nope, it started to rain before he got here and he had the top up. Shary2 7/28/99 1:15 PM The only times we came close was when I responded to something he said and gave him an opening to say something else. He was better looking than the picture, looks very much like Robin Williams, but did not enjoy the hour and a half. Made myself give it that much time since he drove almost an hour to get here. Keight 7/28/99 1:19 PM Well, at least you know. He was probably so dumb-struck by your beauty that he couldn't think straight. You certainly did more than necessary to get the ball rolling. So far I have been lucky, because one of the guys I have been communicating with is such a kick. The one I met, will not be anything and that is OK. The third one hasn't written anything today, but I had been getting an email daily from him. But he sometimes writes later Shary2 7/28/99 1:20 PM I just got a letter from a guy that sounds fascinating! I'll forward his letter to you. And if I can find his pic, I'll send it to you or send you the link. I think I found him on SNAP. Keight 7/28/99 1:20 PM in the day. Don't know much about him. But Butch called me last night and we talked for an hour on the cell phones before I realized how long it had been. And we have been "talking" all day today. He is pretty neat. If only one of the three turns out to be a good friend, then it is worth it. Keight 7/28/99 1:21 PM That SNAP is pretty neat, I think Shary2 7/28/99 1:23 PM go check your email -- the pic is there with the letter Keight 7/28/99 1:24 PM Will do. I have to look something up for "boss" and then will check the email. TTYL Keight 7/28/99 1:27 PM Nnnnniiiicccceeee looking man. Haven't read the letter yet, will do that in a minute or so. Shary2 7/28/99 1:29 PM Let me know what you think after you read the letter. I'm going to try to find his original ad that I answered. Keight 7/28/99 1:30 PM OK, I will let you know Shary2 7/28/99 1:31 PM I haven't even read it all yet. Did a quick skim, wrote him a brief note and sent my pic, and said I'd write more this evening. Keight 7/28/99 1:32 PM Now I will be able to get back to it. Keight 7/28/99 2:36 PM He sounds scruptious. He is intelligent, handsome, cultured, well traveled and sounds like he knows how to have fun. Shary2 7/28/99 2:37 PM Andy and I are having an ICQ fight right now. Grrrrrrr! Shary2 7/28/99 2:39 PM very interesting he is sure pushing my buttons - and very much on purpose - but it's basically a good conversation, I think Keight 7/28/99 2:41 PM So what is he looking for? Shary2 7/28/99 2:42 PM will get back to you getting intense, but it is ok Keight 7/28/99 2:43 PM OK Shary2 7/28/99 2:47 PM we're mixing business and personal and it is crazy and we are fighting but I think it is productive as hell !!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I HATE to fight Shary2 7/28/99 2:52 PM it's calming down now -- he said if no one pushes on me I am not at my best and he has appointed himself to be the pusher -- we're starting to relax a bit :-) Keight 7/28/99 2:55 PM wow, what is going on....I can feel the energy all the way over here. Let me know how you feel when it is all over with. Shary2 7/29/99 1:16 AM so far I feel pretty good and it is getting better - I think Keight 7/29/99 9:08 AM So how did you and Andy end up your "conversation"? I had problems with the system yesterday, just when we were chatting. I had to take it down, up, down, up, down and still didn't get it fixed. They are working on it now. But at least ICQ works. Keight 7/29/99 9:09 AM I can't get into Outlook to pull up my emails and I know there are some there. Shary2 7/29/99 9:09 AM We icq'd off and on most of the day. It ended on a positive note and we've already had some communication today. He is finally sleeping now. Shary2 7/29/99 9:09 AM I have to run next door and tend to my laundry. Be back in about 15 minutes. Keight 7/29/99 9:10 AM Glad to hear that. I am still voting for you to be together. But whatever you choose, I will support. I only want for you what is best for you. But I like the relationship you have with Andy, when you can have one. Keight 7/29/99 9:10 AM TTYL Shary2 7/29/99 9:19 AM I found a nice thing with Bob -- so it wasn't a total loss. I think we can enjoy sharing jokes by email. Keight 7/29/99 9:22 AM That sounds like fun. I like just keeping in touch via email with a couple of the guys. (that is if the email were working), which right now it isn't. They had the server at 100% of capacity this AM. They are trying to get it fixed now. Keight 7/29/99 10:4