Guardian 2000: Testimonials

"Guardian 2000, even though it hasn't been updated in five years, has proven invaluable in discouraging the playing of video games during school hours."

- B. Dufty, San Francisco, CA

"Guardian 2000 is the best product to come out of America. It helps to protect our country against those who would destroy it. We look forward to the anti-terrorist features of Guardian 2002, and are very pleased by the preview version."

- Vladimir P., Moscow, Russia

"Guardian 2000 is an excellent product. Our orgs have never been so upstat."

- David M., Clearwater, Florida.

"Guardian 2000, like, totally ROCKS! I've never had such an easy time staying off drugs and alcohol! Gag me with a spoon!"

- Jenna B., Washington, DC.

"Guardian 2000 is the best way on the market to protect our children from the homosexual agenda. You will experience great pleasure when installing the devices on your children, as you will know that the Devil will no longer be in them."

- Fred P., Topeka, Kansas

"Guardian 2000 is an enterprise-class productivity-enhancing product."

- Speedy Company Magazine

"Ever since I installed Guardian 2000, I haven't sodomized a single altar boy".

- Anonymous

But not everyone has nice things to say about us:

"Guardian 2000 is a horrible idea. Their programmers should be drawn and quartered."

Homosexual Agenda Magazine

"Machines that read minds? They've got to be kidding."

National Anarchist Weekly

"Ever since I had Guardian 2000 installed, I've had a stabbing pain in my right eyelid."

The Daily Libeller